like this page ?, tell a friendNew Dads Feel The Work-Life Squeeze

Mums have always been great at juggling home and work life. For dads though, it's a different matter, according to new research. Here's why dads are struggling with the pressures of new parenting…

As paradoxical as it may seem, optional working life and flexible working hours are having a negative effect on new dads, who are starting to feel the pressure that this additional role places on them, according to a new survey by Calpol.

In 2003 although 68% of dads said they would take up paternity leave, the reality is very different. The Government has recently admitted that only one in ten men is requesting the flexible hours available to them. So why the reluctance for dads to spend more time at home? The new survey reveals that:

  • 41% of fathers don't take advantage of their two weeks paternity leave entitlement because they feel that financial constraints prevent them
  • 23% of dads are simply unaware of their rights
  • 21% thought their employers would not allow it

Work pressures are clearly taking their toll on new fathers, Professor Cary, Organisational Psychologist from the University of Lancashire, believes the long hours culture in the UK may lie behind some of the results. "Today's work pressures mean there are fewer people doing more of the work so it's up to employers as well as individual employees to do more to reduce the modern plight of the long hours culture. Until we start working smarter and not longer, work will keep impacting on family life."

"Fathers have traditionally been the main breadwinners, so it is natural that this transition into sharing the family role is proving to be difficult," Cooper explains, "while after a long stressful day at work dads might be OK at taking on a few practical household chores, but the more emotional support is proving harder to give."

It brings us back to the classic cliché, men are not good at talking about their problems. "While women are generally far better at coping with worry because they'll go and seek social support such as chatting to a friend, men typically go for the physical outlet - the gym, perhaps rather than seeking social support. But a woman's way of coping is much better because, in the end, physical activity alone can be an avoidance strategy".

The initial novelty of fatherhood can wear-off pretty quickly, too - as the survey illustrates, when new mums were asked how supported they felt by their partners:

  • 60% said they felt 'looked after' but one year on only 34% felt a similar level of support
  • 74% felt emotionally supported immediately after the birth of their baby, but this dropped to only 41% feeling supported one year on

And what about poor mums?
 Rising house prices and increasing costs of living has forced most mums back to work - perhaps earlier than some would like - to help meet these costs. This has naturally had an impact on fathers, who now have to accept that more home and childcare responsibilities fall on them, but also that, heaven forbid, their partners may even earn more money than they do. Of the 77% of mums who now go back to work full or part time, over half of these went back within six months of their baby's birth.

So what is the answer to these stresses felt by both mums and dads? Former Health Secretary Alan Millburn MP, who famously resigned his Government job last year to spend more time with his family, has raised the debate still further by calling for more support for working families, including:

  • Extending the current two-week paternity leave
  • Giving a choice over which partner takes extended statutory leave after the birth

Women are demanding more flexible working hours - more than 43% of the women questioned by the survey would have liked more flexible working hours when returning to work, and employers should be willing to offer similar rights to dads. According to Tim Mungeam, form Parentalk, the leading charity campaigning on behalf of parents, for the first few weeks after birth it is crucial for the dad to be involved in order to get to grips with learning the new practical skills and being able to bond with his child.

Dad's who feel it's all getting a bit much

  1. Make arrangements to have a drink with other first time fathers for a hour after work or at the weekend. Or arrange to meet p with other new parents and whilst the women share their experiences of first-time motherhood, you could discuss your new roles. Just talking to others in the same boat can be very useful
  2. Learn 'baby-care' ropes with your partner. Rather than sharing turns at baby-care, do feeding/nappy change and bathing 'shifts' together as a team. This will enhance a new dad's confidence - and show Mum she's not alone
  3. Make friends with other dads who are doing the same. Lots of new dads go along to baby and toddler groups and if there isn't one in your area, why not start a father-and-babies group of your own. It's amazing how many 'house-husbands' there are who share or take-over childcare completely when their partners go back to work
  4. Calpol's Pregnant Dad's Pack is published by Pfizer Consumer Healthcare Advisory Bureau and is available free to members of the public by calling 02380 628 274
  5. Be knowledge hungry. For more information on children's health
  6. Eat properly. Nourishment is just as important for dads as it is for Mums. Take vitamins to boost stamina when there's a new baby to care for. It's not 'cissy' and could improve performance all round
  7. And finally, don't be shy. Call Parentalk on 020 7450 9073 or visit their website www.parentalk.co.uk. There's even a dad's L Plates channel - and that's just aimed a dads.
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Click here to download the 'Calpol Pregnant Dads' info pack